it's been over a month since i've been in my new studio and i although i can't even express how much i am in love with my new space, i have to admit i still don't feel like i've got a routine down yet. everything is always up in the air. i guess that go with the flow kind of attitude can be nice, but i like to have some sort of structure. or i should say i need some sort of structure.
everything is different. i'm still getting used to it. obviously my location is different. the boards i'm painting on now are different (more on that later). my paints. the fact that now i'm "on display" and people can see me while i'm working. my ideas are changing. (not that i'm sure to what yet)
it's been a change and i'm not feeling rooted yet. it's easy to get carried away with people visiting and having people see my work. it's a struggle to stay focused on what it is i want to put out there and why, but i love the challenge. every time i overcome a challenge i feel stronger.
last week was a turning point for me. not necessarily in the studio, but in ballet class. i have to say ballet class is by far the most difficult thing i've ever persevered. i have no romantic ideas to be a ballerina one day, i just do it for the love and practice of it. it's truly a test of my self-esteem, focus and persistence. because i had been away from class for almost a year, it has been really difficult the last few weeks to feel confident in class and it has shown. it's been so embarrassing!! twice i was asked if i was in pain while dancing! talk about needing a small rock to hide under. but i laugh. i laugh the whole class because if i don't, i'll never go back.
but last week was different. last week i really had been doing my homework practicing and working out. i made a decision not to think about what i looked like to everyone else in class and just focus on feeling strong and confident in what i knew. also keeping in mind that what i didn't know would eventually come to me. and for the first time every in class the instructor called me out to tell me how graceful i was. holy crap! she called me graceful! she had no idea what that meant to me. but then after that i totally lost my cool because i started jumping and down saying "who me?!". such a nerd.
so that was just a nice lesson and reward for me to see. just focus on what i can do now, turn off the noise, do what i know and what i don't know will come at it's own pace.
here are some instagram updates for you just for fun: